Speed-dating The Opening Passage of Melville’s Moby Dick

“Call me Ishmael.”

Hiiii Ishmael, I’m Sasha, nice to meet you haha. Ok so, I’m not going to ask about where you work or where you’re from, that’s so cheesy, so tell me about an interesting trip or adventure you’ve done?

“Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.”

Aha, wow yeah that sounds so cool. I would loooove to travel more. Do you often make like, wild, impulsive decision like that?

“It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation.”

Well that’s one way of putting it, haha. So you’ve sailed before? Is it like, your “thing”?

“Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off—then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.”

Wow yeah, Ishmael. That sounds heavy. When I’m feeling down like that, I’ll do, like, a half-day hike? I just find that being out in nature resets me, you know what I mean?

“This is my substitute for pistol and ball.”

Oh.

“With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship.”

Yeah. No, totally. You know, I really admire people who can make bold decisions. I’m still deciding on my cat’s name, and I adopted him six months ago haha.

“There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.”

Maybe, though I’m not so sure that a lot of these glued-to-their-phones city types would agree, hehe. Soooo did you grow up around here, or?

“There now is your insular city of the Manhattoes, belted round by wharves as Indian isles by coral reefs—commerce surrounds it with her surf. Right and left, the streets take you waterward. Its extreme downtown is the battery, where that noble mole is washed by waves, and cooled by breezes, which a few hours previous were out of sight of land. Look at the crowds of water-gazers there.”

Right, totally. It’s crazy how a place this big and this packed with people can feel so lonely, you know what I mean? Sometimes it’s like I’m both lost in a vast, featureless desert, and also trapped in a tiny box, looking for something that always eludes me. But. Aaaaanyway. I guess that’s why we’re both here today, right?

“Circumambulate the city of a dreamy Sabbath afternoon.”

Mr. Ishmael, are you inviting me out on a date? haha

“Go from Corlears Hook to Coenties Slip, and from thence, by Whitehall, northward.”

Well that sounds nice. See, I wish I could be that bold, planning out a whole day when we’ve just met. It’s hard enough just introducing yourself in these rapid-fire meetings!

“What do you see?—Posted like silent sentinels all around the town, stand thousands upon thousands of mortal men fixed in ocean reveries. Some leaning against the spiles; some seated upon the pier-heads; some looking over the bulwarks of ships from China; some high aloft in the rigging, as if striving to get a still better seaward peep. But these are all landsmen; of week days pent up in lath and plaster—tied to counters, nailed to benches, clinched to desks. How then is this? Are the green fields gone? What do they hear?”

Sooo I’m a little lost here, and I hope this doesn’t sound too judgey, but I think we’re talking about you more than me. Or am I way off?

“But look! here come more crowds, pacing straight for the water, and seemingly bound for a dive. Strange! Nothing will content them but the extremest limit of the land; loitering under the shady lee of yonder warehouses will not suffice.”

Yeah, no, I think we agree on the whole outdoors thing. Ahhh we’re almost out of time. Was there anything you were wondering about me?

“No.”

Oh. Well ok, this was nice, and I think I’ll mingle around for a bit now. Nice to talk to you, Ishmael, and I hope you meet someone out there! As they say, plenty of fish in the sea hahaha.